I can't do it. I don't know why. I thought I was gonna get better, I felt better, for like a day. I have felt like absolute **** for about a month or so, maybe longer. I am in some serious denial here.

I just can't do it. I am soo done with this, I am so over feeling depressed, I do not want it in my life. There isn't room for it, I don't have time for it, I have zero interest in this. I have no heart room left for any of it.

I have spent almost all 33 years of my life fighting. I am just tired, I am so so tired. I got no fight left. So admitting it means a fight to me.

No fight and no failing left.

Anyone else do this? I don't even know why I am talking about this. For this first time ever, I don't even feel like I want to talk about anything. I don't want to exist, or not exist. There is nothing in between to go to, doesn't leave a lot of room.

I am really confused. I don't really expect anyone to reply. I just need to do something with this. Write I guess. For days I have been going over this in my head. And my head is capable of some pretty weird stuff. But lately it's just been too weird even for me, it's getting really confusing.