You bring up an interesting topic, Anika. It's not something I've "taken apart" and thought about. But I know what you mean. I do that with depression, I do it when I'm in a good place, "Oh I can't admit I'm doing well cause then the other shoe will drop."

Lots of times I'll be anxious for days and not know it. It's hard for me to tell the difference in a lapse in a long mood, and lots of simple up and downs.

I've been in the in-between places too. I cannot count how many times I've said, "I don't necesssarily want my life to end, but this is NOT a life." At the moment I'm in a really weird place--haven't talked to my therapist in a couple of weeks--and i'm having a tough time mulling through my emotions.

Often i think, "If I'm not depressed/suicidal, I'm anxious, or my obsessions/compulsions are taking over, or I'm irritable as hell....like, what is this? Is this going to be forever? Just cycle cycle cycle?"

I doubt any of that helped; just wanted you to know I understand the place you're in, and it bites big time.