I don't even know where to start, except that i feel heartbroken today.

I disclosed some really heavy stuff in an email to my T yesterday. She responded pretty quick and said and did the right things. But then my self-loathing and guilt at telling her kicked in and a couple of emails later, she said i think we should discuss this in session, let me know if you want to bring your session forward. It felt like a withdrawal on her part, like a subtle "get to F ***, i don't have time for you right now". And omg that just sent me in to overdrive. I sent a *****y email and quit. I am soooooooooooooo angry with her, even tho i have no right to be because she does so much for me. She told me to think about this pattern before deciding to quit.

I don't even know why i'm angry at her. But i am. She sent me a message to tell me to take care of myself in light of certain triggering things that are happening in the news. And i feel like saying " WTF do you care whether i look after myself or not?" Which is horrible cos i think she prob does care on some level.

The anger and hurt right now is intolerable. Why am i so horrible? Why am i pushing her away so much. She doesn't deserve the crap i'm throwing at her.