Quote:
Originally Posted by SallyBrown
I don't recall suggesting that this is how Rainbow handle it. I don't recall saying that Rainbow's daughter was required to return her mother's affection. And I definitely don't recall saying that asking about hugs would solve all of Rainbow's problems.
Finding out why her daughter doesn't like being hugged need not come in the form of terrorizing her daughter. [ETA: And I don't think it was right of your mom to approach it by terrorizing you. For her, it wasn't about actually understanding you.]
Honestly, MKAC's right in that it doesn't take a clinical psychologist to make a few hypotheses about why Rainbow's daughter seems to not like being hugged. But Rainbow needs to make that connection herself, too, not just say that "she doesn't like being touched", and fail to connect it to her own behavior. This isn't about how her daughter returns her affection. This is about Rainbow understanding why she doesn't want to.
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Sally, this post bothers me. My other daughter loves to hug and be hugged. I will say that I have a better relationship with that d because she doesn't have the issues this one has. It's true. My d. didn't like my H hugging her either. Do you think it's because I've criticized her a lot? Is that what you think? She is particular about germs, washes her hands a lot, and probably has OCD. That's part of it. But the other part is, you think, because she doesn't see that I love her because she always comments on how negative I am. This trip I tried to change that, but my H and I both felt we were unwanted and a burden to our d. and sil. We were there for a specific holiday that lasted over a week. Maybe next year we can work it out so we only go for half of it.
My d didn't want to take the time to take a picture of me with the one grandchild who was home from school before we left. She has a million things to do. She did take a few minutes, but I don't know. She said she's always tired, and so is my sil. The whole situation bothers me because I am helpless to do anything about it!