I know how you feel Petunia. I'm there most days. Each morning when I look in the mirror, I see a ghost of what was... me. Yes, it is sad, but the ghosts can be your friends if they take you back to happier times.

Your post reminded me of an old Gorden Lightfoot song. I hope this helps, at least that someone would care enough to look for the lyrics.

"If you could read my mind
What a tale my thoughts could tell
just like an old time movie
bout a ghost from a wishing well
In a castle dark or a fortress strong
with chains up on my feet
You know that ghost is me
And I will never be set free
As long as I'm a ghost that you can't see

When you reach the part where the heartaches come
the hero would be me.
But heros often fail
And you won't read that book again
Because the endings just too hard to take."