rainbow, I'm not sure that you really want to hear what I have to say. I am still shaking a bit with anger at your response to Sally. So, feel free to stop reading now.

I was referring to the ways in which you are similar to MY mother in saying that. When a mother is self centered, has a disrespect for others' boundaries, puts her own needs ahead of others, and resents giving her child something just because she (the mother) does not get enough of it herself, the child senses all of that. All of THAT is part of what made me pull back and not want to give or receive hugs. THAT is what I suspect is part of your daughter's issue.

Neither of my sisters have the same issues with hugs that I do. For whatever reason, they respond differently to my mother's lack of boundaries, intrusiveness and self centeredness than I do. My older sister has seemingly inherited my mother's issues with lack of physical boundaries and my younger sister is totally self centered and narcissistic as well (to be fair, she may be borderline and not narcissistic, I don't really know).

And I am a bit OCD, although I don't have issues with fear of germs. My OCD issues are about trying to find some control for myself after being raised in a world where I had no control because everything revolved around my mother and her needs. Because, as I've said, no one could possibly need as much as her, or suffer as much as her, or whatever. My OCD has very little to do with a desire to have physical affection on MY terms FINALLY and not have my mother's needs take absolute precedence over mine all of the time.

I have a lot more to say, but will stop there.