((((peaches))))

Thank you for posting and I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone. Every time I see something about a child in the news I am triggered and shut down to a silence that many do not understand and trying to explain it is just too much and too hard. Feels like I hold my breath and cannot breath, feeling a heaviness on my chest that will not go away.

Seeing so much as a child, and being abused as a child makes it even more real. Often taken in the night when the world was sleeping brings back so much for me. Still hearing the silent screams inside, never knowing for sure, and wondering if morning would ever come. My heart aches and my emotions fill me with unending terror.

Feeling something deep inside when the word comes back they found them, somehow connecting to their last feelings, their fears, and their pain on a level I cannot explain. Even though I am alive, some part of me died long ago and it is there that something inside screams knowing and understanding. That fear of never knowing for sure, always waiting, and an understanding not for myself but of what they went through.

I know I am not making sense but inside I am, and I am broken. I just wanted to say that I understand how you feel, I validate those feelings for you, and I am so sorry you ever went through SA and abuse to know these feelings. You never deserved it, and my heart goes out to you. Children do not know to be not trusting, they are taught that. It is so sad.

Peaches, I could have and should have been a statistic too, should not be here today, but there is a reason and even though I do not know that reason yet, I am holding onto that belief the best I can. I believe that for you too. I am so sorry and my heart cries for what you went through and how you feel. I do hope that you have someone to talk about this with. You deserve to be heard, to be validated, and to know you did not deserve what you went through.

Please just know that you are not alone, that we care, and are here for you. Please keep reaching out and allowing yourself to be heard, and to feel what you are feeling. It was never your fault and it never should have happened. I do care and I am listening. I send you many gentle hugs and loving thoughts if okay. Always.

dps