Hi all,

I have been making great strides in recovery, but lately I have fallen in a bottomless pit of depression. I don't want to leave my apartment. I don't want to get out of bed. I just want to cry. I went to my classes yesterday, but had to miss one because I couldn't stop crying and feeling like a failure all day. I have a therapy session tomorrow and let my therapist know what I was going through. The past couple of months, thoughts of SI have increased and I almost went through with it on Tuesday. Finally, last night, after missing class and reflecting on everything that was a mess and how messy everything is right now, I started cutting again just to get it out. I am just unendingly sad/depressed/numb/unmotivated right now. I feel so useless, even though I know God has a purpose for me and loves me as I am. I just can't forgive myself for anything and want to cry. I have a lot to do and I just don't care about any of it right now. I just want to feel okay again. It was almost a full year since I cut last October, and I have only hurt myself with scratching (fingernails) since then. I thought I had made so much progress, but nothing seems to stick right now. I feel so alone in all of this.