You are obsessed with it. I obsess with it myself. My condition isn't quite as serious as yours. I do not over exercise or lose weight from not eating. I should for the amount of restricting I have done but never get lower in weight. Anyway. You reach out for help, you admit that it is overboard. Good for you. Now the next step is listing food that you will eat. Making up menus that you will stay with and go for. It is all routine and have a eating disorder can be improved if me and you make effort to do better. we make effort to do a bit better. We start to work on a goal of eating better, because we actually do care for ourselves and we are able to feed ourself the right amount of food, and do just the right amount of exercise, and journal the right amount. We can do it, and we can keep working on US.