Thanks for your replies everyone.

Self-destruction vs. suicidal tendencies. One in the same I guess.

The oldest of the two died the first time when he was 19 years old. I was 13 and was the one who woke up and sounded the "alarm."

He was DOA, revived, and within 24 hours of being released from the hospital was using again. He overdosed more times than I can recall. I heard recently from one of his clean "user" buddies that they died together once...both DOA but revived.

I saved his life that night, giving him enough time to have eight clean years, a wife, two kids and a dog before he fell for the final time. I don't know if that was a good thing or not. His kids don't remember him and they grew up without a Dad.

He never did lose that blue tint.

Or maybe I never stopped seeing it.

The last time he died for good...he was thirty-eight years old.