The thought of "finding meaning" in the DBT site just came to mind as I read your post.

It really s*cks, thinking those thoughts.

I go thru it again and again and again!

I have been learning, in Alanon (which talks much about "detachment") that others' issues are not my problem, unless they themselves bring them to my attention. If someone has an issue with me, they need to tell me. I can't keep hurting myself (I am still learning as well; painfully, too) with these thoughts anymore; they will destroy me.

And this "finding meaning" thing: Feeling rejected, feeling abandoned, has taught me (forced me!) to learn to pay attention to myself and not focus so much on what others think of me. Forced me to see myself as an individual, me, myself. Not simply an extension of other people.

I too feel like I only deserve to be "tolerated". G*d, I grew up feeling that way because my aunt tolerated me. I feel that my roommate tolerates me. My former bf is still my friend and I am grasping the idea that I am not just some worn out romantic thing to him; he actually likes me. But that is a foreign idea to me, still.

My heart goes out to you and anyone who struggles with this.

Carol