I found that once I started sharing with T about having used the not-so-great coping mechanisms, the desire to do so lessened a lot. When I wanted to do those things, I thought about sharing that with T...and I felt better. Not great, but not in so much pain. The connection to him began to be as much of a support as the coping mechanism.

I still want to use it, sometimes, but I get now that it's an urge--and it will, eventually, pass.

When you feel the burden of the secret is too much, you'll share. It's hard but it sounds like your T will be quite compassionate. It won't shock or revolt her. She'll feel bad that you're in such pain.