Quote:
Originally Posted by Miswimmy1
My t is back from vacation. We have had two good sessions. Things are going ok. But why am I so afraid? I feel like things have been going well. And now I feel like how I feel when I'm in a rupture. Only that doesn't make sense... I'm not in a rupture. I don't know what I'm afraid of even. I just have this nervous energy inside. I wanna go hide. But hide from what? My thoughts are churning. I don't even know why I'm posting. I guess I'm curious if anyone can relate? And if so, what did u do to calm down?
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Maybe you are like me, in that I can deal with breaks fine, but returning to therapy can be hard. We've explored that and looked at several issues - that I might bury my feelings about her going to be away and then the fears surface when it feels safe for them to - when she returns. And/or that I have a fear when restarting therapy that something has changed and therapy and T will be different upon her return. And/or that I am afraid that if I survive, and even or especially, if I thrive during her vacation, then she might deem me no longer needing therapy, so I am in fear of losing the relationship. Or, that to deal with her being gone, I have to push her away and then when she returns I want to let her back in, and that's just hard. And then there is that the intimacy of the relationship is something unique to my life, so returning to that is intimidating.
There are many things to look at.
It always gets better. Hang in there!