For assorted reasons (bipolar, bunches of constant different pain, etc etc), I can't remember the last entire week when I didn't decide at some point (& briefly) that the effort life requires isn't worth it any longer.

BUT, my cats, the only ones ALWAYS there for me & truly supportive IRL, would end up in shelters--the 18 yr put down as too old & the the other as too skittish. So yes ... I hear you. And I'm so grateful your children are blessed with an unselfish mother. Yes, you're going thru h ell. I'm sorry. . But we're going to keep going anyway, aren't we?
Roadie