Quote:
Originally Posted by Anika.
And when I say I can't ask for help, well I can, but I don't see what help they can offer me. I have already been through therapy, out patient programs, done numerous therapy methods on my own. I have the skills, the tools, the know how. I know what I am supposed to do. I know what works for me and what doesn't. I have a T but we have a weird set up, which is fine by me. I reserve calling her for when I am in severe trouble, and she helps me navigate things with my pdoc. Sounds a little weird right? I have trouble talking to be pdocs and the crt staff because I feel like it is always a negotiating process, and when I am that sick I cannot negotiate on my own, so I guess at this point I would call her more of an advocate than a T.
You guys seem to get what I am saying, I don't feel desperate, well maybe in the middle of the night. Night is a bad time for me always, my senses are so heightened it's nuts.
I'll get through it, just have to find one string to pick up, not all of them.
|
I obviously don't know your experience regarding therapy, but in my own way I get where you are. I spent two yrs in therapy as a teen, then spent 11 years in a support group--heavily active--along with tons of self-help books in my library. When I got diagnosed with all my stuff, my P-doc kept pushing me to go into therapy. I tried the Mental Health Center; I could have taught
them tools to help people.
But he kept urging me, so I finally got online and randomly picked one. I knew what I wanted in a T---someone who could work with me and give me insights I wasn't already cognizant of. I decided before meeting her if I didn't get a vibe I would change. She even said, "If it turns out this isn't what you're looking for, no hard feelings, not everyone is a perfect fit for everyone." Which instantly reassured me. Six months later I'm still with her, and my only regret is not finding her sooner. She is kind, funny, sarcastic, and I'm very blunt about, "I'm not into this or that kind of tool," etc., and she respects that. It's not a one-sided thing like you see so often in movies, etc. My favorite part of the therapy is I can come in and say, "I just need to vent," and she'll simply listen. Or, I'll come in, "This is going on, I need help in figuring it out, tools, etc." and she'll offer that. It's very flexible which I think, for a Bipolar person, is probably the best, lol.
Anyway, I wanted to share my story cause I know a lot of ppl are against therapy and had bad experiences, and I certainly have. I also thought I'd learned all the cognitive tools that were out there, i,e., "I can figure it out my damn self." Just wanted to say, too, night is always the worse for me as well, which is ironic as when I'm feeling well it's my favorite time of the day. But at nite my bf is sleeping for work early am, and it's just me screaming in my head.
Good luck, Anika.
