Here I am, friday night. No plans. Nothing to do. I'm so lonely. My social anxiety prevents me from talking to girls I like. I've grown apart from my friends, because I started to get tired of them.
One group of friends, I can't stand how they talk about women, it sickens me.
The other group, it seems all they want to do is get drunk.
So now I'm all alone. I spend my friday nights watching videos on youtube and masturbating. I'm so tired of this. I want so badly someone to cuddle with, but I just can't get the hang of talking to girls and asking them out. I just feel so out of place doing it. I guess it's a confidence thing. This is my third year in college, and I feel I am just failing at life. 20 years old, a virgin, and have never had a girlfriend. Don't get me wrong, I can talk to girls fine, it's just the whole thing where you like a girl, and she actually likes you back? Yeah. Never happened to me. And if it did, I would probably get scared and never act on it. I should be having the time of my life, and here I am, bored out of my mind, depressed, and lonely. What should I be doing? Going to parties? I have, and I NEVER enjoy them. I just pretend to enjoy them. I'll get drunk and try to talk to girls, and it never works. I just stand in the corner watching guys talk to the girls I wanted to approach all night, frustrated, wondering why it works for them and not me. I always wind up walking home alone.
I told myself at the beginning of the year to just forget being social and focus on grades only so I can get into a good graduate school, but the thought of just staying in my room all year, studying, is just depressing. I can't do it! I am feeling far too depressed right now to open the books. Hell, I don't even know if I want to go to graduate school anymore.
I just want someone to snuggle with during this approaching cold weather...