The memories I have of my teen years are sparse except for a few critical events..like the one I described..I try to grasp pictures of my stepfather and I can focus on what his eyes look like then the rest of the image kinda evolves..if I ran into to him today I would recognize him..but my mom..the interactions are like chasing something down a corridor with it running ...always a few steps in front..I would not know her ..her voice maybe, but not her physical appearance...it would be like meeting a stranger and yet you know them..its hard to describe..I get the feeling there would be some part that could tell, but it wouldnt be me, if that makes sense..

I did very well in high school graduated early was in college at 16..received something that was termed a "Govenor's Grant" cant recall but someone at the school put me in for it..when I ordered my college transcripts, they have "Gifted High School Student 16 years old" typed on it..thought that was cool to at least that at some point I had a brain that was working on some level but otherwise I would of never been able to afford it..school was a place of structure and control, found that books were an escape..oh I love to read..the pages come alive...dont care if its chemistry or history, I loved to read, took especailly good care of my books..even today I can become totally absorbed in a book..

while at home the memories are chaotic at most..I dont recall birthdays or holidays for anyone in our family...think they occurred but dont remember them...only one or two pictures from the teens when I was working for the YCC (Youth Conservation Corps) at the Grand Canyon, and one with me standing with my sisters I was about 15 and one of my younger sisters was pregnant, but as a little girl there was a really pretty Christmas tree with my Grandma standing beside it..

When my Grandma died she left me pictures of childhood stuff..and I dont recognize me in them..its like I see the person or family member...like my sisters...but I could not tell you who took the picture or what was going on..it is very uncomfortable..my T asks me about them if I bring them in but I cant access what or when or who things..hard enough to access a me thing in them..because I see her but not me..again kinda cryptic but its the best way to describe it..