I'm done trying to make sense of my life. I give up. It's just a huge lie. What's worst is everyone that was a part of my life growing up was part of it. They all lied to me. All of them. They all pretended nothing happened, for him. She (my "mom") didnt even divorce him. She begged the judge to keep him out of jail. Why didn't she give a s*** about me? I was just a baby, why did they all hate me so much? I had to visit my grandparents every weekend growing up...the ones that hired a bunch of lawyers and tried to keep him out of jail. The ones that always seemed to hate me. They probably blamed me for it too. Maybe I should apologize for ever existing. The good news is that now I know better than to trust anyone ever again.

I'm trying to get into an EMT program this spring. Before that I need to get a few shots and my shot record from when I was really little is all screwed up. I asked my mom about it and she said they had to delay a lot of the shots because doctors were worried about potential brain swelling...because of him. It's just another lie.
A question on one of the forms I have to fill out is if I get migraines or not. I probably shouldn't mention that I get an average of 3-5 a week likely because of all this.

I guess I'm the liar now.

They're doing a very detailed background check too. Will that show up? Will they not let me in the program if it does? They probably will think I can't handle it. I've already been told on another forum that its a stretch to think that I can handle that kind of career with my history. No one seems to think I can do this. Maybe I can't.

I guess there is one truth in all this...the fact that I never had a f***ing chance.