I'm sorry to hear about the trials that you have endured--living with BP can be so difficult. I'm glad to hear that you have a great supporter (your boyfriend)--that's wonderful!

I do want to pass along a story, though. My ex-wife is bipolar (as am I). She has worked as a nurse at a major hospital for many years. She always did OK before she was DX'd as bipolar, but was often passed over for new positions she applied for, that sort of thing. She always insisted that her mania (though she called it 'energy" at the time) was necessary for her performance. After her DX she was put on a mood stabilizer, lithium. At her next review she received the best evaluation of her life, and has gone on to head an initiative to begin a new department. She has done that for several years, and is now being invited to speak at other hospitals about what she has done.

My point, of course, is that we get "addicted" to the up feelings because they feel so much better than the downs. We feel invincible, like we can accomplish anything when we're like that. The truth is that we're better off in the long run if we try to decrease the frequency and the range of our cycles through medication, therapy, excercise and nutrition. We perform better and more consistently at work, and we're more pleasant to be around the rest of the time.

I know hassling with meds can be a pain, but I do think you should consider it--I have met too many people who have been helped by them.

Whatever you decide, I wish you the best!

DJ