just wondering if anyone can relate to my problem, ok here goes, I am a mature adult, who has no love for my parents, I cant remember ever loving them, when I was about 9 years old I told this woman I wish she was my mum, to me my parents are just people, I dont really hate them I just dont really like them. I dont have memories of abuse however I dont have memories of a happy family either.
So back to the love thing! I am divorced and met up with a man I knew from school, last year, there was this instant attraction, even though I did know he was going to be trouble, but for the first time ever i actually could relate to someone, as it happens this man has borderline personality disorder, and I think we each caused each other a lot of emotional pain, I could feel his emotional pain his saddness and his loneliness, and maybe it was like looking in the mirror and I really wanted to look after him, he was like a 42 year old horny toddler, and I felt quite protective of him.
the relationship broke down quite quickly, and it was a nightmare, but I have alot to be thankful to that man! he made me realise whats been missing all my life.......LOVE, Ive never recieved it and ive never given it to anyone, my emotions are numbed, i dont feel what im supposed to feel, during times of stress or anxiety I just switch off, terrible things happen and I can basically forget them, the memory is there but very cloudy, I have just this morning phoned to make an appointment with a councillor so that I can maybe sort some of this stuff out, my feelings of worthlessness and inferiority have haunted me all my life, I need to work this out.
any advice or suggestions would be most welcome.