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Rapunzel said:
Sounds good. You can always be an example in how you work out your issues. Are either of you in therapy? That can help a lot too. And there are plenty of books about recovery from codependency.

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Well, i will have some counselling soon, some classes at church, and we both have books and people to talk with about our issues..

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One important key is to let her work things out for herself, because if you do it for her she won't develop her own strength. Just like a chick has to work its own way out of the egg, and a butterfly has to fight to get out of the cocoon. If you watch those processes, it is tempting to help them out, but if you do, the chick or butterfly will never have the strength it needs, and will either die or be severely crippled for life.

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Ironically I have used a cocoon as an analogy about her and I myself.. Yes I will encourage her and do some things for her, but I will let her use her own resources to help herself so she can be stronger too. She also told me not to worry to much because she has resources herself.

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hillbunnyb said:
I think it all has to do with balance. Too much of anything is usually a bummer. Too much love included. Labels are tricky because we hear them according to where we are in our healing, somebody else may interpret them completely differently while using the same exact words.

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True.. she has had a lot say they love her so it is difficult.. So I am trying to get my own issues and responsibilities working out, so i can still standby her, but she still has space to work things out she feels she needs to herself, and I can with my own.

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Co dependancey is one of those tricky words that describes an emotional state of being. My understanding of what it means to me has morphed as I see more life as the years go by.

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I suppose so..

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I think the bottom line has to do with giving each other enough room to do our individual growning, while suppoting each other with all our hearts. Some things are just soooooo hard to hands off and watch....... I think it's that jumping in to help, when a person should work it out on their own, that gets one into the codependant realm......

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you got it!