Oh man I'm getting excited for my friend and thought I'd post a little about this here. It's so hard in the fellowship when you have high hopes for people, because I know for me, I try to keep myself away from disappintment, and unfortunatly, people often don't make it even when you think they will. But I have high hopes for my friend, and wanted to share a little about him here, because I know he's helped my sobriety.

I'm gonna call him Jeff, just in case. I met him when I was maybe a month sober and he annoyed me from the start. He was just so overbearing and flirty. I had to set boundries right away, let him know I was not interested, being a newcomer and all. Immediatly I started hearing things about him......"Oh, Jeff's back, again. He's been around for quite awhile and can't stay sober. He comes just to socialize and hit on the newcomer girls, he'll never get it." Being the naive newcomer that I was, I had to hope for his sobriety even though he annoyed me. Then the resentments started, when he messed with new girls and I saw the wreckage he left. Just like predicted, he went out again. I worked my inventories on him. Kept my distance. Prayed for him to find serenity and sobriety. Still disliked him.

Then we started a young people's committee. There hadn't been a standing committee here, only when there was a conference. We decided that a standing young people's service committee could do great things so we had our first meeting. There were many positions to be awarded, and I was elected secretary. Jeff kept volunteering for positions but not getting any of them. I could see that he wanted a service commitment, and we all know how important those are. It came time to elect the officer's co-chairs and out of my mouth came my nomination for Jeff to be my co-chair. As soon as I said it I was like.....what did I do. He accepted and no one else ran so he became my co-chair. While I was glad that he now had a service comitment, I had my doubts that he would follow through, and figured I'd be doing all the secretarial stuff alone. We met up the first time to type up the minutes from the opening meeting, and he said he needed to make an amends to me. What followed was an amazing conversation, where he dropped his walls and we had a heart to heart. I made amends to him as well, and we decided to put our past behind us so we could have a working relationship for this committee. Once I saw the real him, I realized he was really finally making an attempt at sobriety. He was finally doing all the things that we do to stay sober. I became one of the few to believe in him, and was there for him when he had bad days. He kept saying sober, and with every chip he picked up, there was more and more amazement from the people in the rooms. His story is one of the miracle stories. The stuff he's pulled himself up from. And he had burned so many bridges, that even the people in the fellowship made him feel like an outsider. But still he kept plugging away. Finally others were seeing what I was seeing, finally people were getting happy to see him. A fellowship was growing up around him because he finally allowed it. He finally exposed all his wounds, finally showed everyone who he really is instead of putting up walls all the time. He's still my co-secretary and pushes me to get the stuff done even when I don't want to. He's made sure to be at the business meetings when I couldn't attend, so we'd have minutes. He's been the best co-chair I could have asked for.

Today he has 11 months. One more month to go and he'll have that heavy metal. That day will be speicial for me as well, because September 15 has been a hard day for me, it's the anniversary of my mom's death. If Jeff gets his year on that day, it will help re-claim the day for me. To see this man who I couldn't stand, finally wade his way into sobriety and join us on the shore, and look at the friendship we have built out of practically nothing, take his year chip.....it will be a sight to see.

Why did I post this here? Because I can't help but feel fear around this. I've seen quite a few people now relapse after they get a year. It's like they think, "Oh, I've stayed sober for a year, surely I'm cured." I'm so afraid that he'll relapse yet again. I know that is projecting, and he has a higher power who will guide him through, if he allows it. And I know my fears for other people are fears for myself. I'm coming up on 16 months now. I cannot believe it's been that long! A friend of mine gets 2 years next month, and I remember seeing her take 9 months when I was a newcomer, thinking 9 months was impossible, and she was only 19. But watching her get her 9 months made me see that I could do it too. If this girl could get sober before her 21st birthday, surely I could get sober at 26. These anniversaries next month of these two people will mean so much to me. The people who helped me walk my path in sobriety become the most important people in my life. The book says to "pause when agitated and ask for the next right thought or action." My sponsor pointed out that agitation can be anything, even happiness and excitement. I've managed to turn disappointment from people relapsing in the past to a learning lessson for myself, showing me what not to do, reminding me that I'm just as close to the next drink if I don't work my program. I posted this story to let you know where I am, because you all here keep tabs on me just like the fellowship in real life. I post here so I can succeed in my primary purpose, to "burn into the conscience of everyone that they can get well regardless of everyone." This way of life has been the best thing for me, not only have I watched myself change and move into a better place mentally, physically and spiritually, I've gotten to watch others change, see the light in their eyes twinkle, see smiles on people's faces. Life has become less about myself and more about others. I know a new freedom and a new happiness. I do not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. I comprehend the word serenity and I know peace. I understand now that my experience can benefit others. The feelings of uselessness and self-pity have disappeared. I've lost interest in selfish things and gained interest in my fellows. Self-seeking has *mostly* disappeared (progress not perfection hehe). My whole attitude and outlook on life has changed. Fear of people and of economic insecurity has left me. I intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle me. I suddenly realized that my higher power is doing for me what I cannot do for myself. Are these extravagent promises? I used to think so. They are being fulfilled within me, sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They always materialize, if I work for it.