My son has Asperger's. He is 11 and was diagnosed when he was very young (like 5? 6?) and we've been very open with him about it. He sees a lot of the positives - he's super smart, he's super focused - and he gets that there are negatives too - mainly with social stuff - but he has found good friends and is a happy kid.

I wonder if a lot of what you are feeling is a result of abuse, rather than the difficulties of Aspergers? I dont' have Aspergers, but I have definitely felt the hopelessness and fear that comes from a lifetime of abuse. Therapy has helped with that.

Sending lots of hugs and positive thoughts to you.