You have to tell her how you are feeling. Even if you just copy and paste this post and send it to her in an email. She needs to know where you are at emotionally and you are definitely in a fragile place right now and still in need of help. You are never alone. Something is definitely holding you back from expressing yourself with her and having better sessions. Do you have any idea why you are struggling to open up during your time with her? I know personally, I have to prepare myself and make a list + mentally go through the things I need to mention to her beforehand; otherwise, I will still feel down and unsatisfied afterwards. I love you and am thinking of you during this tough time. It will get better, I can promise that.