I'm same with Anika. I was raised to in a certain kind of religious upbringing, but realized in my teens no one could answer my questions.

I was essentially a non-believer for a long time. Then I got into an off-the-grid kind of spiritual belief system. It worked well for me at the time--or so I thought--but I also happened to be hypomanic, so who can say.

Since this says no religious talk, I think it's ok for me to mention my decade in a support group; it was spiritual on its own. I stuck to it hard and fast and immersed myself in it (OCD, anyone?).

Then 4 years ago, I crashed completely into a depression I hadn't experienced in yrs...I literally cried every day for over three months. I had no idea why. I went to my support group/beliefs for answers, help. I got little to none. Up to that point all I believed fit the mold of my life. But suddenly my life was exploding from that mold, and I had nothing to piece it back together with...nothing I'd held true to in my heart and spirit for years.

Slowly, I stopped believing in the spiritual belief system, and quickly stopped the support group (after so many years, there was nothing new or of assistance for me). People would tell me, "I hate you're suffering so, I'm praying for you everyday, etc." I stopped praying months before; I had practically chanted, in vain.

My world continued to crash, farther than i thought possible, and ppl would tell me, "There's a reason behind all of this. You will get through this." Really? Interesting, since I can't say I believe that, I thought.

Fast forward to now. I don't have any belief system. Having foundations of my life literally cracking before my eyes/heart left me with nothing to believe in. I've always questioned things, and I used to find answers, when I had steadfast beliefs. But I don't any longer. I question the hell out of everything, and usually I come up with no answers. I have found some peace in that--- it just is what it is and maybe there's no grand plan for me and maybe beliefs are just a comfort to make me feel better about my life. All this said, I am not against finding or discovering a new belief system..I try to stay openminded if I can. I think if I had no belief in anything at all life would become 5 times harder. Currently I pick up things here and there to put in my toolbox. They hang out together and it works.

I know many many ppl who believe what they do without question. I think it's because they don't have the courage to look at the doubt. These ppl would not know how to keep going if they didn't have faith in something beyond them. Somehow, I can. Maybe because I've simply got too much other **** to focus on.

My two cents.