Wow. That's a long wait.

I'll be in financial ruin (even worse than I already am) if I have to wait that long.

I don't know what to do.

If I get unemployment, it's ALMOST enough for me to pay my bills. I would need some of my freelance work coming in to pay the rest of the bills, even though it's a no-no.

I can't live without income if I'm waiting for disability to be approved. And I've heard disability is around 1/4 of salary. Can't survive on that.

If I find another job, I'm probably going to make about what I would get from unemployment.

I hate this.

One minute I'm find. Last night (Friday night) before I got off work, I had the attitude of, "I did my best this week, although I'm sure it's not good enough. But that's OK because I'll get unemployment when they can me in a few weeks."

By the time I had driven home to my empty house, I was in tears again and feeling like a failure. I didn't want to be alone, so I went to hang out with a couple of family members. Even though I had people around me who supposedly care, I felt so alone. Then I was in tears again on the drive home.

Spent most of the day with another family member. When it was time to go and we hugged, I said, "Thanks for spending time with me. I get lonely." She seemed surprised by this and said, "We can hang out anytime. Just call me."

Right now, a group of people I see several times a year is about to gather at a restaurant to hang out. I'm torn over whether I should get ready really fast and make an appearance, even though I'd have to be a little late because I look sloppy right now. Or should I just stay home alone and cry again?

Being around people doesn't seem to help. It all boils down to me being a failure and putting myself in yet another terrible situation.