I COMPLETELY understand your situation. Me and my husband have a lot of problems too and I did the same thing. I totally destroyed myself to try and keep away temptation. I've gained probably 60 lbs, I never wear makeup, I don't take baths as much as I used to, my hair is always up in a braid, and worst of all I don't care about all the scars I'm creating all over my body through SI. By the time I either leave my husband or he dies (he's 20 years older than me), there isn't going to be anything left for anyone else to want. So, like I said, I really sympathize with you. I'm not sure what to say other than, hang in there. You're worth it, so keep putting in the effort to make yourself all that YOU want it. Don't worry about your husband or the other guys you may or may not have an attraction to some time later in life. Do what you want to do. You deserve happiness. We all do