Oh, yes. Self medication with depressants feeds a vicious cycle. It dulls the pain, but when they start to wear off, say, a few hours into being drunk or coming off of a heroin high, levels of dopamine in your brain are so low that it's just a whole new world of pain and you have to keep taking more to make it bearable. I've used both to try and ease the hurt only to have it come back twice as bad. That being said... are you sure your doctor knew what he was doing when he put you on a benzo? I'm no doctor, but putting a depressed person on downers seems like a very sketchy idea.

I'm sorry you feel alone... If you ever need someone to talk to about this stuff, feel free to message me. No one should be completely without support when they're really depressed.