hey iluvdukie,

It looks like you've found the right person you're needing to talk to,

I just wanted to share that I go through the exact same mixed/hypomania episodes you've described. To a T. When I get hypomanic where I'm energetic, getting lots done, busy bee, up, etc., it's hard to enjoy because recently once I come down it turns into a P. Attack/severe irritability. It is obnoxious. I go to therapy which helps, but I don't think my P-doc would up any of my meds over it; I'm slowly making progress (which has taken months and months), and he's told me more than once being Bipolar comes with ups and downs, no amount of meds will stop that entirely.

You mentioned your friends. When I was in high school some of this started then, but in the form of severe depression. One teacher in particular was sympathetic to my plight and kind of took me on as her pet, of sorts. It wasn't anything i asked for; I just wanted someone who understood me. As a result, though, my friends were jealous I got extra attention, and they dumped me over summer break. I walked in class--we had two together--and they refused to speak to me. I didn't find out why for a long time.

Just wanted to share, and if you want to talk feel free to message me. I am so sorry you're in the space you are; reading your post my heart hurt for you because I know exactly what that feels like.