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Old Oct 14, 2012, 06:25 AM
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Polekat Polekat is offline
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Member Since: Oct 2012
Location: Superior, Wi
Posts: 22
Here's my one problem with my diagnosis of bp1: I have never, not in my entire life, felt the euphoric "high" of a manic episode. (Or the manic phase of a cycle.) I go from bad to WORSE. That's the best way to describe my cycling. I have all the other symptoms, however.
I always thought major depression was my "condition". But anti depressants never worked. I had a meltdown about 3 months ago. Wound up in the psych ward.
By the time I left, I was on 900mg of seroquel and working up to 200mg lamictol. Still doubting my diagnosis.
So recently I stopped taking the meds thanks to an insurance hiccup. Started feeling my "old self" again. Which is about 50% asshole and 50% RAGING asshole! (I'm new here, hope I didn't break a rule w/ the swearing, but that's really the best description) I needed my meds back! I couldn't see it, but they were actually doing wonders for me. Presently, I do have my meds, soI'm climbing back on slowly.
So anyway, if anybody is still reading, do you have the highs with euphoria? Do you really feel GREAT, happy, joyful? Or are you like me where the manic cycle is primarily heightened energy, mostly self-destructive energy, with ridiculous paranoia and the fear of "losing it" in public confining you to your own private hell? My fear of a jail cell keeps me home when I'm in "warrior mode". So there I sit (when I'm not pacing), hating the world and everyone in it, raging about all the injustices perpetrated upon me. Sound like you, or is it just me?
Hugs from:
BipolaRNurse, moremi