I was stuck in the past for 7 years. My failures, being a victim, feeling sorry for myself, bad things happened so they would happen again, keeping secrets, hiding from the world. I felt guilt, fear, depression, anxiety, shame, anger, and ultimately hated myself and my life.

I had to become honest with myself. I wasn't always a victim; I had contributed to the things that happened. I wasn't the only one hurt; I had hurt others as well. That was really hard to accept. Being pitiful, only made people dislike being around me. Guilt and shame were useless because I couldn't change the past. I could only make it worse by hating myself. Anxiety and fear were kept me isolated.

I don't know if it was that enough time passed for me to move on. Or maybe I learned after sharing the worst things about myself with others that I wasn't the only one that was flawed. I began to realize that it all wasn't as horrible as I allowed it to be in my mind.

It just takes time, proper treatment and meds. Hopefully after that, the past can be put into the proper perspective. I still have times when the past rears its ugly head. When that happens and it involves family or friends that knew me at that time, I talk about it, sometimes apologizing for my behavior or letting them know how much better I am now. Most people are happy about that. I am rebuilding relationships I thought I had lost and gaining acceptance from others. It has also helped me to accept myself. And from bad things that happened or mistakes that I made, I have learned some lessons.

I won't ever be fully able to accept my past. I just don't want to keep living in it.