hi, picklewheeze - rather than focusing on the sex - regardless if it's with men or women - try falling in love first. it is important that you get to know someone before having sex with them. it is important to remember that feelings of love must be felt by both participants, not just you or them.

in the gay community, it is more common to have sex first and fall in love later. but, considering your background, that may not be for you. (it's not for me either.) so, i recommend that you devise a strategy whereby you go out and make gay friends with the purpose of meeting someone special, get to know that someone special before having sex and then, when you finally do have sex, realize and feel and experience the difference of being with someone who cares about you and who you deeply care about too. it's a slower process and uncharted territory which will make if feel strange and slow but it's worth it.

the same procedure holds true if you decide to explore relationships with women, the only difference being that the crowd you will mix with will be heterosexual. it may well be that you are bisexual and that is fine also though IMO, more complex. all the best to you!