thank you pickle wheeze and Leed, for your kind encouraging words, it is very reassurring to know that other people struggle with their feelings, and i am really glad I found this web site, because my mind has been going crazy for years trying to figure out what the problem is, 5 minutes on PC and I literally had the answer thanks to another group member, over the past few days I have been reading up on the Adult child and know thats what I have to tackle, but i really feel huge relief that im not just some cold heartless human being and that there might be some hope of improving the situation.