Dear ((((Mama)))) What you are describing makes perfect sense and is not sick or twisted at all. Honey, you are being so hard on yourself Many women put on weight, use food, as a comfort and also to PROTECT themselves against what they consider temptation or even worse, danger.

I know it is silly in a way for me to use this as an example, but one of my fave guilty pleasure shows even had a whole episode on that very issue. It makes so much sense. It is very common esp for those of us that have experienced severe trauma

I also went to OA and it helped tremendously. It helped to be with others to discuss the issues, listen and to share. Also, to meet people and to make friends and to have a support group irl that totally gets it. Whether it be binging, purging, not eating, overeating...whatever the relationship with food, it is a matter that runs much deeper than just that in itself. I have been there. I have received treatment. I have been counseled and have experienced a strange relationship with food almost my whole life.

The most important thing I hope you take to heart is that it what you are describing makes perfect sense and you are ok. You are not alone. Not by a long shot. And it is not to late to make gains....to understand what has happened, why it has happened and to stop being so incredibly upset with yourself. You are beautiful. Things can get better. You just have to take that next step.

But whatever you decide to do...you are beautiful.

Rose