Hi dave,I really appreciate what you said,I mean that,but I honestly do need the mania,and I also like to call it up,rather than manic,and believe with work I can control my brain,sounds dellussional I know,but I still reckon it's surely only dellussional if it can't be achieved.I'm not keen on taking pills,but do if need be,but did take 1 that was prescribed by psych once(I requested something to knock me flat when need be)and I swear it brought on depression,or would have if I continued.I'm working it out slowly and will keep you posted,I think maybe in a way I'm lucky that I have type2,no holiday but maybe more manageable without meds.have a great day,and thanks for reply.