I moved this to here as I maybe should have put here in first place

Many things have happened and yet one by one I throw away the chances and opportunities that I desperately prayed for and once again I am stuck with the infectious, negative and horrible excuse that I am.

However this time it's different I have honestly burned myself out and I can't even physically harm myself in any way, even that is too much effort, before I could at least harm myself to feel something but for some reason all I can do now is just sit there and hope I just fade away into nothing. I know hurting yourself is never a good thing to do but I am worried that I can't even do that because I feel beyond that in a very bad way it's like my mind has rejected my body right in front of my eyes and that the thought of feeling like a shadow of a person is slowing coming true.

I feel very sad and lost and I don't know where or when I really lost myself but I am scared that I can never be a kind or caring and content person.