Its werid. I usually have a girl that I have massive crush or someone I really want to date. But recently ive been looking back at my past history with women and its kinda just an epic hollywood gore movie. 6 girlfriends 5 of them cheated. One was secretly with my best friend for 6 months when I was dating her for 2 months. There were 2 that left me for friends. The girl I loved the most didnt treat me right and my friends would always pick on me for being in love with her. Now shes with all of my friends. I get the werid story that when one of my friends was having sex with her he peed in her. Its like O I used to be in love with that girl. Then its a pain in the as to meet new girls because everyone has someone (good or bad). Then I start to wonder if I really suck this bad that I can only get girls younger than me and usally can't keep any for more than 2 weeks.

I usally need some kind of affection cuz I never get it at home but for the last couple of months I just havent even had a thought of being with anyone. Girls will approach me and flirt and stuff but I just don't have it in me. I still think some girls are cute and whatever but its like I dont even want to be near them. The problem I'm having is I still feel the feeling of crushing loneliness and distant avaiation. But then I feel like Im ok like it doesn't matter anymore.

Idk if its a defense mechnaism or something but im so mixed when it comes to girls I just feel I'm meant to be alone but idk if I could do that. If anyone wants to break this down for me I'd much apperciate it