thanks, esp. longleaf.

I stayed awake all night last night, listening to the radio, sometimes I heard songs that may or may not have been good for me to hear. But I did not indulge. There was one bad time when I did engage in an erotic fantasy about him, but I called Ani immediately; he told me to call him, even if I woke him up. He was awake and seemed to have been waiting for my call and sounded relieved to hear from me, even though I was distressed. "Ani, it's back...help..."

I knew he could not make it go away, but just hearing him go, "Carol, I'm here, your'e okay..."

I fell asleep, exhausted, around 7am PDT. I woke up again around 1pm and was still so tired.

I kept myself very busy today, listening to music, coming on here, and finally doing my laundry, which had been piling up for the past *month*...what a mess...! I did it.

I did not tell my roommate Bruce; he does not understand how a "harmless fantasy" can hurt.

Thanks,

Carol