Why am I so self destructive?
Lemme guess my self esteem that doesn't exist right?

I look in the mirror I see a god.

I look in someone's eyes, I feel I'm scum and ugly.

My self esteem exists only in the comfort of my home, alone in the bathroom mirror. Damn I look good.

I often find myself in fear, peaking out my windows..
I'm an intellectual. I'm to loyal.

I avoid anything and everything that reminds me of any bad experience.
If I can't I will close my eyes, and head. Hide.

I feel like if I do anything against another option, I'm going to summon bad things to come to me. Example.. I leave the toilet seat up, the universe will unfold and my dad will beat my mom. I believe this. Obviously it's not true. But I feel like if I do something one way and not another, something. Mega and bad will be the result.

I let this girl, use me, hurt me, abuse me. She even told me all this. I accepted her, because I got more mental problems then her. I thought I could change those.....things and she would love me. I'm over it. New sweet girl, who knows nothing of my drug addictions and numerous mental problems..

I'm a sacrifice of all these terrible unbearable human emotions... So others don't have to go through any of it. This is my purpose in life. I am so ****ed in the head, so your uncle somebody I don't even know of can live peacefully.

I love ganj, Ritalin, cloneazepam, codeine pramethazine and self loathing.

I truly love life, just wish it loved me.

I'm 6 ft. 308lbs. Sexy voice.

Tears fall as I type this.just being real.

I am a terrible guy for relationships. Paranoia. Jealousy. Attention seeking. Please woman put these at ease.

I wanna watch this world crash and burn. Laugh at you all, **** you. Die.