I would certainly hope that you would get into therapy to try to understand what is going on with you. The abuse you suffered was NOT YOUR FAULT. You shoudn't feel disgusting.
Please talk to your doctor about getting referred to a good therapist. You really need therapy and your doctor can get you in to a good one. Give him a call soon and he'll refer you.
You don't have to live confused like this or feeling dirty or disgusting. You aren't guilty and nothing was your fault! God bless you and please take care! Hugs, Lee 
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The truth shall set you free but first it will make you miserable..........................................Garfield
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