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Originally Posted by Ciroc-kette
Hi all, thanks for reading this...I'm new to the forum and I'm just confused. Let me start off by saying I have never been formally tested/screened for depression so I don't know what is wrong with me.
I know for a fact I have anxiety, specifically health anxiety. I worry on a daily basis about having HIV and being so unhealthy that I'm about to die. I got tested for HIV but I just don't believe my negative test result is true. Tied to this worry is the fact that I could sleep all day, and extreme tiredness is a symptom of HIV/AIDS. I don't feel like doing anything, I stay up late, like until 2 am and sleep for 10 hours, wake up, then feel like I could sleep for another 10 hours and sometimes sleep for 2-3 more hours. I feel a huge sense of numbness and like I don't give a damn, then suddenly I worry about absolutely everything. I compulsively check that I have my car keys/credit card/cell phone in my purse/car at least 10 times. The next day, I won't care if I lose everything because nothing is worth it to me.
I've been kicked out of my parents' house, I lost my job, all my life I've been overweight and unattractive. Never had a relationship. I've got a lot of friends and I'm popular but that's because I'm fake and put on a show for everyone. No one can guess how sad I am on the inside about my life. Is this depression? Is it insanity? I dont know. I feel trapped inside my own head, especially with the health stuff.
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Hi there. I am sorry you are going through such a rough time.
Is there something that has impacted your life that has made you feel like this? I know that my brother once swallowed a small toy when he was younger. He was scared our Mom would find out and so he never told her, but for weeks he kept telling her that he thought he was going to die and felt like he was choking. She kept saying "well let's go to the Dr." and he'd go "NO NO NO!!" Anyways, turns out he finally told her he had swallowed some dog tags from a G.I. Joe action figure. He was fine, but he felt so guilty for it that he kept thinking there would be repercussions.
All I can think is that maybe something happened that made you feel this way? There are various ways to get this virus, but if you were tested and it was negative I very seriously doubt you have it. I think it is your mind taking over and making you paranoid. I definitely think that a Therapist could help and also make sure you aren't border-line hypochondriac, because that could make you feel that way too.
Hope things get better for you soon.