One of the reasons I probably feel so messed up is how my emotions tend to be opposite at the same time, leading me to talk or even argue with myself trying to find a middle agreement. When someone compliments me, I feel proud and sure of myself, but at the same time, I can feel my cheeks burning with embarrassment. Two sides of me, one wanting compliments all the time and even speaking loudly to get attention, and the other that gets embarrassed easily and hates when people compliment her, never believing it. I'm not even sure which one of these sides is my true self.

Other examples are being depressed/cheerful, hungry yet refusing to eat because I honestly don't feel I can. My side that wants to brutally destroy everything, and the pacifist that appears in the midst of destructive thoughts. Craving affection, yet wanting to push everyone away. Crying and being happy that I'm letting it out, but at the same time hurting myself because I feel I am weak.

Are these normal screwed-up teenage feelings and thoughts? I want to know that at least, to know if this will pass at some point so I can think clearly, without voices arguing in my head all the time, always yammering in my subconscious.

- Rin