I'm really struggling with wanting to drink, even though I know it would only mess up my life more. I know what's underneath it - fear.

And I think there's a part of me that feels like I don't deserve to be sober - kind of, a "Well you're already so damaged, might as well be a drunk" thinking.

But I know if I'm going to get my life back on track, I've got to stay sober.

so I'm not going to drink today, even if does mean I'm back to taking it one hour at a time.

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