No you really don't suck. You are trying to be an honest ethical human and deal with mental illness. I have two thoughts for you:

1. Would going out have given you the oppurtunity maybe of getting out of a slump? Like you might have enjoyed self?

2. You were ill,

Just be aware of when you say no to going out as the more I isolate the worse off I am in the long run. Goodluck and you are not a lier or you wouldn't have posted the thread.