i dont think any of you know what i have been planning on doing for quite some time now. just recently, about 4 weeks ago, i decided that i wanted to find out about my biological parents. i have been adopted since i was 8 months old, and never knew a thing about them. i asked my mom about it when i was 16 and she started crying and throwing out the accusation that i only wanted to replace them as parents. not true, but i dropped the subject. about 3 weeks ago, after doing some extensive thinking, i decided to ask them again. their response was that im not mature enough to handle the news, and that if i want to know, ask again in 2 years, and they might tell me. thing is, they signed papers when i was adopted, saying they wouldnt divulge any information to me, about my biological parents, until i was 25 years old. i think that is the stupidest thing i have ever heard of. so after not having their support once more, i decided to take things into my own hands. i am going through the judge that granted my adoption, and asking him to unseal my records and send them to me. i made some calls and found out what i have to do. i have to write the judge a letter and ask him to unseal the records, and why i want them unsealed. i also have to include $5, which is about £2.7, and also several forms of identification, as well as any information that i might have, that would help them do a search for my records. so i had my husband send all the information to a friend in the US. she is going to include the money for me, because we cant send a UK check. its been well over a week now, since he sent the package to her, and she still hasnt received it. i am so utterly upset right now, because it shouldve gotten to her by now. i feel that because it hasnt gotten to her yet, that this may be some sign that i need not know what happened to me when i was born. i have been warned that i need to be prepared for the worst, in case the reason that i was put up for adoption, isnt something thats pleasant for me. i am prepared for that. if i find out its something bad, i am ready to deal with that. i dont think anyone can really understand how important this is to me. i have wanted to know for so long now, and now that i have the chance to find out, its taking so long. im so depressed right now, and all i can think about is cutting to rid myself of the pain that im feeling. god i just want to curl up and hide or die right now. im hurting so much right now. please...someone please comfort me.
sniffles