am i fat? well... i'm 183 cm and 105 kg. Yes, I am. I forgo to tell I'm not only fat, but also incredibly tall and I always scared everybody.. everyone's favourite line was "don't hurt me!" as in "i forgot to bring you this or that, don't hurt me!" or "don't kill me!".. and i remember feeeling angry 'cause I'm not at all aggressive phisically, i'm just BIG! Huge! and i felt like everythign i did or said got affected by that.. but that's not a big problem 'cause i sort of accepted that i was born with a huge body, i started getting fat when i was 5 and never stopped. I didn't accept how other reacted to it. bad me.
As for the advice, I feel like you are right iun telling me to cheer myself up by saying i'm good at this or that, i have positive qualities. I feel like you are right, but it doesn't work with me.. ow am i a pain in the arse or what? I mean, let's talk about school. Yes, I've done very good in school. So what, you know? It olny brought me bad things, and I wasn't interested in being good! I am grateful school wasn't hard as i saw was for some of my calssmates, I feel lucky, but not happy.. who cares about schoolmarks? I'd be happy if I was great at something.. and btw i wasn't great at school, somebody was always better so no big success there either. I got average.
as for not losing weight, i know people are all kinds, but sometimes i feel like i'd like to be thin.. and then i don't act on the wish. So i feel bad.
<>>may be TRIGGERING PART for eating disorders please skip<<<>>>>
Personally i don't like body fat. I think it's ugly. I would be much prettier if i was thinner. i'm not saying kate moss, just slender. but it stays a wish and i don't feel like i'm fat cause i accepted myself to be like that, only because it's easier to stay that way. It's wrong. (see why i'm not good at the self reassuring thing? I'm bad! I'm lazy!)
And talking about other issues.. right now I feel so bad that i'm "wasting" your time 'cause i reckon other people are in more trouble than me, but still i'm writing cause i'm sick of crying and i really need this so if i'm hogging the forum please forgive me. I feel like I'm a burden... and then I feel guilty 'cause I feel a burden.. owww I'm stuck! Stuck in a negative cycle.

Thanks again for reading answering ect, love you already for this