So now I am boarding on walking head first into a brick wall metaphorically but life has got to the point where what does it matter have nothing to lose except I don't want to end my life yet I can't ralley round to live it or sort it out.... is this what being human is about or is it more just an individual thing?

I always thought the not knowing what happens next was the best part but now I would rather know my reality even if it means stuck in a place you hate faceing every day at least I know where I am and what I am doing but chances are I lost myself chance of knowing a long time ago and can probably nnever regain that secruity that I now long for so much