Thanx ((Myself)) for everything..

(I kinda am going off topic here but I did not want to post anywhere else)

Oh I got to share..please be patient..I know and understand everyone’s system is different the way it evolves, the way it copes, the different mechanism..because people are different, the abuse/traumas/horrors are different…so please…I don’t know if anyone has these types of..oh I don’t know what to call it..alters who can manipulate or produce visual hallucinations..but for some reason mine do and they are becoming very adept at using them because now they see me reacting to them..a form of manipulation..and they are very disconcerting..some are very violent graphic horrible stuff…

My T tells me part of the main issues in my Therapy is working with the way my system throws these things out..well I have been pretty worn and ragaedy this week the PTSD symptoms have been pretty bad…I have been agitated, irritable, reactive, etc…so in session yesterday..I was switching pretty rapidly..T was using grounding techniques and guided imagry to help calm things down..

Well it started out ok..calming..soothing places, by a waterfall, the sounds of nature, images of little bunnies and baby bears..birds..the deep breathing..waterfall flowing into a stream, then into a calming pond..but..yikes..my mental processes took over..I was still very much relaxed and calm..but suddenly the pond became a black and bubbling tar pit..and the calming gentle creatures, the bunnies and baby bears (sorry Hillbunny, sorry Fuzzy)..were being horribly sucked into this tar bit..
And just as suddenly they weren’t real bunnies or bears but animated stuffed toys and the sounds they were making were like the voice over of a cartoon..you know “Mr Bill” type voices…I don’t know but suddenly I didn’t feel horror but absolutly bust a gut laughter..I was dragged out of the guided imagry rolling over off the couch..my T thought I had finally cracked..he had never seen me laugh out loud and the session was going so badly..he was worried until I told him what had happened..I knew who had turned the pond into the Tar Pit..and I figured out who made the stuffed animals..but the whole scene…just had me amazed..I think what really triggered the release of emotional energy (Laughter) was not the scene that had evolved but that I knew the alter who had turned the pond into a Tar Pit..he is a really “bad dude” …and that the image was meant to upset me and cause me to react badly..but another alter that has a really great sense of humor..added the other effects..so it was not so much the scene I was busting a gut from but from the fact that this alter who throws out these horrible torture hallucinations at times…was foiled by the other alter..adding her two cents in..OMG we both were laughing and amazed..Instead of leaving the session all depressed, agitated and anxious, I laughed all the way out to the parking lot..actually gave me the energy to go for a walk by the lake..which I haven’t been able to do in months…sorry I am just so surprised at times of the complexity of this stuff..boggles one(s) mind..thanx for listening..wierd huh…

Poor stuffed animals…don’t worry I am sure they survived the ordeal..