I find it emotionally difficult to read books (fiction AND non) with gay/lesbian themes. They make me anxious. Like I'm just waiting for something bad (gay bashing, or any of the more subtle types of homophobia) to happen. I just feel so anxious that I just can't do it.

For those who do not know, I'm a lesbian. Been out since April last year. I'm not homophobic. Maybe I do have some internalized homophobia, but it does not affect how I feel about myself.

I love reading. When I read, I like to enjoy myself, not get all in a tizzy because a homosexual character is trying to explain something to an ignoramous. I feel like this isnt healthy. I want to be able to read this stuff. It's my world now.

I'm just terrified, I guess. Thats all.