I just wanted to let you know that you are so NOT alone. I have a similar history to yours what with past abuse and depression and cutting. I have found help from a psychiatrist and a therapist to be crucial to my survival. Without it I would have killed myself a long time ago. Please know there are people here who care. I care, even though I don't know you, I care about you and what you are going through. Please, please get help, either by talking to your parents or by getting it on your own. I don't know how old you are, but if you attend school or college, you can let a counselor there know what is going on so they can help you get help. please get help and give yourself a chance to feel better.